The Chameleon

Weeks ago, someone randomly asked me a question.
[Describe yourself with an animal.]
Horse? because I love freedom and can't stop running?
Lion? because I am proud like a lion and bossy like one?
No...... wait..... A....
"Chameleon" I said.
[That's interesting. Why?]
"Because.... I blend in well"

That question, stuck in my mind for quite some time.
Makes me think, a lot.
Chameleon. A Reptile, and I hate it (it's disgusting).
But, ironically that's what represent me well. I think.

I love to talk. (I bet that's the only thing that has not changed since young)
I love to mingle with all sorts of people.
Therefore, I can talk to strangers like friends.
I can blend myself fast and well in an unfamiliar environment. Blend myself in? sounds like camouflage..
By that I actually mean that I am flexible.
I can turn into anything.
Interesting, isn't it?

What comes around me, makes me what I am.
Being with negative person, I will turn negative.
Hang out with fun crazy ones, I will become even crazier.
Surrounded by lazy ones, I tend to be lazy.
Accompanied by ambitious people, I will be clear of my goal.
Funny and strange huh?
but that's what I am, A Chameleon.
(or a sponge if you describe me as a thing)
I adsorb, I learn and I change accordingly to what's around me.

I used to think that it is a good thing.
My strength.
but till yesterday, I realize it wasn't.
The ability to adopt, to blend in so well doesn't seems to be that good either.
Being flexible and retractable doesn't appears to be so fantastic as it seems now.
Because You will easily lose yourself.
Losing myself basically means, I have no "me" in me.
No "Audrey" but only the shadow of others. Because I mimic.
Suddenly, I felt myself pathetic. so plaintive.

I have been living for 27 years for not being "myself" but only the shadows of others?
All these times, what I am showing is not what I am but what I've learnt and mimicked from others?
That makes me question..
Who on earth am I? What the hell I am?
I am lost. 

The world that I'm familiar of, broke into pieces in a sec.
The "me" that I thought I know so well, became so strange and so far away.

So many thoughts keep coming through the door.
Flooding me, drowning me, suffocating me.
I urge for a window.

God loves me, I know. I am thankful.
I love him too.
I wasn't lost for long.
I wasn't drown for long.
He hears me. He gave me a window. and I see lights.

Being able to adopt, and retractable is a gift.
A gift from god. A gift you could never asked for.
It isn't that bad. In fact, it is a good thing.
but things always have two sides.
Nothing is good if its too much.
It is not wrong to mixed in well.
It is not wrong to learn from the others.
It is not wrong for being flexible.
but it is wrong to try to become the others.
It is wrong for losing my own principle.
It is so wrong to lose myself.

The trick is to be BALANCE. It ain't easy. Life was never easy.
What I need to do is to stay focus. keep on track.
Get a hold of myself and I believe, I can.

I am who I am. I am what I am.
Accept it. and Embrace.
Face it. and Get over.
Trust it. and Believe.
I am the uniquely one and only Audrey, and that's what I'm gonna be.
I shall stay true to myself. Be only Me.

We all get lost sometimes, the important thing is to be able to find ourselves back.

p/s: These happens within a few hours last night. These thoughts were triggered by someone who is uniquely one and only one to me.It is amazing how thoughts made us who we are, and decide what we are. and above all, you are the only one has the control over your thoughts.

To my unique one,
If you are still reading this, I wanna say thank you.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your true words.
Thank you for being straight forward. I appreciate it.
It really bangs me hard enough to make me open my eyes wide to see things through.
I believe I am a better person today.
And I will continue to grow and be a better one.
Thank you.
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♥~Live to Dream′Dream to Live~♥

Precious Readers