Always Your Girl

(Written yeaterday 16.06.13)


Today marks 20 years. 20 years it is.
I was 8, a little girl; I am 28, an adult.
You were 39, a middle age adult; you still are 39, a middle age adult.
Time flies, things changed, but you still the same.

Every year, this day, I become complicated,
I turn empty.
It’s a day with sorrow,
a day of grey.

It used to be so much harder,
but it seems to be slightly easier year by year.
and It is much easier this time..
I think its because Kareshi is by my side...
But this doesn't mean you no longer stand a place,
because you always will.
It’s just that I've learn to handle,
and I am no longer alone.
The world keeps turning, time keeps flying,
and people don’t stop moving forward.
So am I, in order to lived up as your daughter,
I will try. To Be Strong.

Like what I said in my previous father's day post <A father's day without a father>,
I used to believe that the current living me, it’s just “me” inside my dream.
The “real” me is still sleeping and that when I open my eyes,
I will still see you smiling at me and ruffling my hair.
I am just having a nightmare.

Only when years gone by,
I slowly realize that the “me” I thought its inside my dream is real,
and the “real” me wasn't that real but an imagination,
a dream inside a dream.
An Inception.
And it's time to wake up.

I had never visited you on this day
because somewhere deep down inside my heart,
I never want to admit that you are no longer here.
But today,
I decided to take a step forward to mark today as a special day for the 20 years that had gone by.
That is why; I am here in front of you.

Daddy, Happy father’s day. I said.
Tears flows.
After all, I am just your little girl..
love you daddy..
and I miss you badly..
Time flies, things changed, but we are still the same.

~Live to Dream ♥ Dream to Live~
Your Girl, Audrey.

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